In any intimate relationship, conflict is unavoidable. Conflict can even be seen as a sign of health, as it demonstrates that both people are unique individuals. I do not suggest avoiding conflict and letting resentments fester. This is much like shaking a big bottle of...
A male in his late twenties — let’s call him Jim — was recently in my office to inquire if he is an alcoholic. While I did express some thoughts on the matter, I replied that that designation was ultimately for him alone to decide....
There is no magic bullet to maintaining and raising children within a blended family (a family with children from multiple relationships), and I am no expert in the finer points of day-to-day interactions in a blended family. But while working with couples who have blended...
Every moment offers opportunities for truth. One opportunity is to be aware of the external reality – sights, sounds, and sensations. Another is awareness of our internal reality – thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This is mindfulness: being aware of the present moment on purpose. So...
When we are in an intimate relationship and feel vulnerable, defensive or shameful, usually it’s our old stuff that is being triggered — patterns of interaction that we developed with our parents. When we are young, we learn to act and respond in ways that...
Recently, I attended a six-day Zen meditation retreat, or sesshin in Japanese, which included the celebration of Rohatsu on December 8, the day that Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, came to his great enlightenment. As a couple therapist and student of attachment theory, I cannot deny...