Dan:

Checking out Jason’s new video.

Jason:

I know why relationships don’t work.

Dan:

Why?

Jason:

Hi, Dan. I’m glad you asked

Dan:

Jason, what is this wizardry?

Jason:

I’m trying out some new state-of-the-art technology. I’d tell you, but it’s probably a little too advanced for you.

Dan:

A simple I can’t tell you what have sufficed.

Jason:

I’m sorry, Dan. You’re right. That was unnecessary. And thank you for setting a healthy boundary. I appreciate it.

Dan:

You’re welcome. I’ve been watching your videos carry on.

Jason:

So here’s why relationships don’t work. When we are face to face with not getting what we want when we’re feeling disconnected, in a disillusioned state, which I call the predicament. Instead of trying to get what we want from the centered adult part of ourselves, we’ll express our discontentment in a sideways manner.

For example, is your style like mine, passive aggressive? Do you withdraw? Do you shut down or maybe when you’re feeling disconnected, do you get angry? Do you criticize? Or worse yet, do you try to get even?

All of these are not really ways to try to get what we want because doing any of the above, trust me I know from experience, will ultimately keep us stuck.

Dan:

Well, what do we do?

Jason:

I’m glad you asked Dan, you are one of my best students…

We have to really put ourselves out there. We got to advocate for ourselves in a way that can be received. No matter how many times we find ourselves disconnected, disillusioned, triggered. We have to utilize our relationship tools in order to bring us back into connection and into harmony.

So, for example, my style is passive aggressive withdrawal. If I’m feeling disillusioned, disconnected in the relationship, I have to put that stuff aside. I have to take a deep breath and I have to share my frustrations and my needs, ideally, from a place of vulnerability and end on a request.

Say your style is anger. When you’re feeling disconnected, disillusioned — you’re in the predicament — you need to reach for what is below the anger and share that. Because we can’t really hear our partner if they’re speaking from the anger. But we can hear vulnerability.

Share vulnerability and end on a request. That is a way we can really get what we want. You see, we have to help our partner come through for us. We can’t just be angry. We can’t just withdraw. And this is going to be your work, and my work for as long as we’re in a relationship. That’s just how it is.

Dan you have any other questions?

Dan:

Yeah. Uh, you wanna grab some food?

Jason:

Yes, I’d love to. But as long as it’s paleo friendly, keto friendly, vegan friendly, gluten free, organic, and we’re on opposite sides of the picnic table outside.

Do you know of any place?

Dan:

Okay. I think I know about 12 places. Perfect. Let’s do it.

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