We Always Have a Choice (in relationships)

Jason Polk:

Hey, what’s up everyone? This is Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. Thank you. However, we are not filming in a coffee shop this morning. I’m actually in my office due to the quarantine. But today I want to talk to you about choice. We always have a choice, whatever comes up. The great Indian philosopher, Krishnamurti says that true freedom is freedom from our automatic responses.

Jason Polk:

Let me give you an example. You and your partner had planned a quarantine date. Due to the toilet paper shortage, you are out looking for toilet paper. You go to three different stores and what happens is you are late for the quarantine date. You should have remembered the fact that you started looking at 5:30. There wasn’t going to be any toilet paper anyway. You walk in, and she is upset. She says something like, “I’ve been home all day by myself looking forward to this date and you show up late?” From here, you can react two different ways.

Jason Polk:

Let’s break those down. We’re going to do reaction A and reaction B. Reaction A. You are getting upset and you say something like, “You know what? I’m out looking for the hottest commodity in America right now, and I come home and you give me this?” That reaction has a potential to ruin the whole night. It’s also going to lead you guys into disconnection. You’re going to end up upset unless one of you can calm down and repair.

Jason Polk:

Now let’s look at a whole different reaction. Reaction B is going to take some skill. It is going to require a deep breath, and it is going to require giving yourself a little bit of space between your initial whoosh and your response. It goes something like this. “So babe, you know what? You’re right. I should’ve called you. I could’ve left earlier, and I’m so sorry.” In summary, you do have an option. You always had the choice to make things better. What will you choose?

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