Retaliation (Losing Strategy #3)


Jason A Polk:

Welcome back to another episode of Hashtag Relationship Advice. I’m so glad you’re here. It makes me happy. Did that sound kind of weird? So, today, we’re going to talk about another losing strategy and that’s retaliation. Retaliation is the act of reciprocating the pain that was done onto you. In a nutshell, it’s, “You made me feel bad, so I’m going to make you feel bad.” It’s non-collaborative in nature, and it’s going to ensure that you’re not going to get what you really want. Retaliation is an unhealthy and sideways method of trying to get your needs met. The problem is that we don’t naturally respond to retaliation with open arms and empathy. We generally respond with defense or by going on the offense. And here’s a subtle example of my wife, Jessica, trying to make me feel bad for me making her feel bad. Oh man, it’s hot out.

Jessica:

And you didn’t think to bring me a water?

Jason A Polk:

Oh, no.

Jessica:

Oh, well, next time you’re chilling outside, I guess I won’t bring a water to you either.

Jason A Polk:

Imagine how crappy our relationship would be if we did that a lot. A great quote that resonates with this losing strategy is by Pia Melody. And Pia Melody says that, “There are no traffic jams on the high road.” So, instead of taking the low road of retaliation, take the high road. And if something upsets you, share that from vulnerability and request. Don’t do a sideways sort of back angle method of trying to get back to your partner, via retaliation, because it’s a losing strategy.

Jason A Polk:

Remember that retaliation is trying to make your partner feel bad because they made you feel bad. Instead of engaging in that, because you’re going to create a negative cycle that’s going to feel like crap, remember to take the high road, because you are more likely to get what you want. Give it a go and let me know how that goes. If you successfully did this, put it in the comments down below. If you unsuccessfully did this, let me know, too. Shoot me a message and I’ll respond back to you. Thanks for tuning in to Hashtag Relationship Advice, and we’ll see you next time.

Speaker 3:

Love it.

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