Never get tired of doing little things for your partner. Sometimes, those little things occupy the biggest part of their heart. — John Gottman 

Premarital counseling is a great investment for couples committing to doing “those little things.” It is also a great investment for couples committing to do those big things, such as committing to spend the rest of your lives together!

As a PACT therapist (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) my job, among others, is to help you two better understand each other. That is, how have developmental experiences shaped each partner and what does that mean for the future. Also, what makes your partner feel loved, and what triggers their vulnerabilities?

During premarital counseling, I have found it good to have the money talk. Will you two share accounts, or have separate accounts? How much debt is acceptable? What attitudes and beliefs did you learn from your parents about money?

“Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives we need attunement to feel close and connected.” — Daniel J. Siegel

Infants know that their survival depends on their connection and proximity to their mother. As we mature, our emotional well-being, self-esteem, and security depend on the strength of connection and commitment to our partner. Thus, building a relationship based on true mutuality and security is paramount for emotional health and even physical health. When a secure-functioning relationship is maintained, you two will be able to get in and out of conflict well, and ultimately reap the benefits and joy that come from a healthy relationship.