Needing To Be Right (Losing Strategy #1)


Jason A. Polk:

Hey, everyone. This is Jason A. Polk, and welcome to #RelationshipAdvice. Now, you may be thinking, “Wow, that’s a different title,” because it is, this is a working title, but let us know what you think in the comments down below. We’re getting rid of Coffee Shop Relationship Advice because we’ve never been in a coffee shop and nor do we intend to be in the future. Anyway, in a previous video, I talked about not taking care of your side of the relationship house, and that is engaging in any one of the five losing strategies.

Jason A. Polk:

Today I want to talk about the first losing strategy, and that’s needing to be right. The attitude to this strategy is if you happen to see it from my side, which, oh, by the way, happens to be right, then we’ll be good. This is a non-collaborative stance, because in every relationship there are two different realities. Let’s expand on that real quick. We have our separate perception, which if we are stressed will affect our mood, which will affect how we perceive. This will influence how effective our memory is. You see, the hippocampus is unable to store information into our short-term memory when it’s under duress. Does that make sense? If it doesn’t, that’s a long way of saying that there are two separate realities in any relationship. Both partners remember things differently.

Dan:

Did you just say hippocampus?

Jason A. Polk:

Yes, sir, I did.

Dan:

Oh, okay, okay. I thought you said, “Hippos are camping in the US.”

Jason A. Polk:

No, but I can see how you would make that mistake. But I don’t know, are they camping in the US? If they are, I’m definitely not against it. Just as long as they’re not infringing on other people’s rights and property.

Dan:

Hippos’ rights, am I right? Squatters, hippos, I don’t know.

Jason A. Polk:

Let’s see an example of needing to be right gone too far. This is my wife and I arguing if my parents were going to be there or not. This is from my online course. It’s really cool, check it out.

Speaker 3:

I thought you said your parents weren’t going to be there.

Jason A. Polk:

No, remember, I told you that they were. Two nights ago I said that.

Speaker 3:

No, because I was trying to plan this and you said your parents weren’t going to be there.

Jason A. Polk:

No, no, no. I did tell you.

Speaker 3:

No.

Jason A. Polk:

I’m emphatic I told you.

Speaker 3:

I remember where I was standing when you said your parents were not going to be there.

Jason A. Polk:

Well, there must be something wrong with your ears because I told you.

Jason A. Polk:

Have you ever watched a couple in this back and forth? It is definitely hard to watch and frustrating to be a part of. The collaborative fix is to remember the relational answer to who’s right and who’s wrong. That answer is, who cares, what can we do to fix it? If one of us would have did that there, we would have been good. Instead, I got mean, I got frustrated and I insulted her. For an hour or so after the exchange, we didn’t talk. Even though we were acting, we still acted it out, not talking for an hour, because we really liked stay in character.

Jason A. Polk:

Had I just said, “Okay, let’s stop. Let’s agree to disagree and let’s move on,” if I would’ve said that, we would have been fine, and maybe I could have thrown in, “I love you, babe, because that doesn’t hurt. Right, Dan?

Dan:

Absolutely, chicks love that.

Jason A. Polk:

You’re right, man.

Jason A. Polk:

As a recap, here’s what you do when you’re in a needing-to-be-right gridlock. If you find yourself in a back and forth like this, you need to take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What can we do to make things better?” Let me know if you’ve ever had this experience with your partner and how you plan to combat it next time. Lastly, if you’re interested in creating a thriving, vibrant relationship for yourself, I have an online course. Click the links below, and I’m offering it special. I’d love for you to check it out. That’s it, we’ll see you next time on #RelationshipAdvice. Thank you for watching.

Request Appointment

Leave a reply:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked*