Moving from Disconnection to Connection

Jason:

Oh, so it’s time. Hey, what’s up everyone? This is Jason Polk, giving you some Coffee Shop Relationship Advice. Unfortunately, we are still not at the coffee shop. But that’s okay. And today I want to talk about repair and moving back into connection.

Jason:

Say you and your partner are in a state of this connection, and all you can make up in your mind is how you are right, and how your partner is wrong. I get it. I’ve been there many times. How do we get back into connection? Well, we have to talk. And by talking, I do not mean arguing. We cannot move back into connection via an argument. It’s when you are having the discussion, there has to be one listener, and both of you will have to switch roles. There can’t be two people upset at the same time about the same issue, and at the same time about your problems. There has to be someone listening in order to get back into connection.

Jason:

And it’s kind of like you’re a customer service representative. So if your partner comes to you and wants to repair, wants to move it back into connection, your role as a listener is to be a customer service representative. So let’s look at this example through a bad customer service experience.

Billy Bob:

Repair shop.

Jason:

Hello, is this Billy Bob’s Repair Shop?

Billy Bob:

Yep, this is Billy Bob.

Jason:

Hey, what’s up Billy Bob? Yeah, my iPad is broken. I would love for you to fix it.

Billy Bob:

Been watching porno, haven’t you?

Jason:

No. Okay, no, no, no, I’m just kidding. Let’s rewind.

Billy Bob:

Repair Shop.

Jason:

Hey, is this Billy Bob’s Repair Shop?

Billy Bob:

Yeah, this is Billy Bob.

Jason:

Hey, what’s up Billy Bob? My iPad is broken, I would love for you to fix it.

Billy Bob:

Well, my iPad is broken, how about you fix that? And guess what else is broken? My marriage. You don’t understand what’s underneath this rough, beer-bellied experience that is Billy Bob Wellington III. How about that?

Jason:

So now this is a pretty “beep” customer service experience. Let alone, if you did this in your relationship, it wouldn’t go well. But there’s a simple fix to it, let’s check it out.

Billy Bob:

This is a repair shop.

Jason:

Hey, is this Billy Bob’s Repair Shop?

Billy Bob:

Yeah, it’s Billy Bob.

Jason:

What’s up Billy Bob. Hey, my iPad is broken.

Billy Bob:

You know what, sir, I’d love to help you out. How does that sound?

Jason:

Great.

Billy Bob:

Right on. Well, first thing I’m going to need there is the year of your model.

Jason:

Yeah, that sounds excellent, Billy Bob. That wasn’t so hard now, was it? In order to get back into connection, you have to give understanding. And we give understanding by really listening, being present with our partner, and conveying back that we get it. Check out my videos and subscribe to my YouTube channel. Thank you so much.

Speaker 4:

Love it, so genuine.

Jason:

Yeah, yeah. Cool.

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