• Common Marriage Counseling Questions

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    Common Marriage Counseling Questions

    Common questions answered.

    Is it worth it?

    Let’s take the cost of divorce. If you go the lawyer route, you could look at tens of thousands of dollars. Not to mention the assets you may be splitting. Marriage counseling can help you avoid divorce. I recently had one client share with me:

    “Without your help, we wouldn’t be together anymore. Period.”

    –B & G

    From this perspective, the cost is worth it.

    Also, assuming at times your relationship is acrimonious if that continues, it will negatively affect your health and longevity. If you don’t believe me, check out the research. This video is called What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness.

    How much does marriage counseling cost?

    At Colorado Relationship Recovery, we charge from $300 to $170 an hour.

    That is cheaper than hiring a divorce lawyer.

    Can I get on a soapbox for a second?

    If no, skip the next paragraph.

    To be a licensed therapist, you need to have a graduate degree. As a result of the above compensation, that makes licensed therapists one of the lowest paid, highly education professions out there.

    *End soapbox. *

    If you read that, I know you’re thinking, “not my problem, you chose to be a therapist.”

    Yes, good point. It’s not your problem and we did choose this profession.

    I just wanted to share that you’re getting a sweat deal if you work with a trained marriage counselor!

    How long does marriage counseling go on for?

    That depends.

    Not a very good answer I know.

    But I also answer this question with: it depends on the foundation of your relationship.

    Put simply, if there are deep cracks in the foundation, then it may take longer to get you two to where you’d would like to be.

    Overall, we tend to work fast and if the foundation is there, we’re talking months and not years.

    Do you take sides?

    In Relational Life Therapy (RLT), there’s a concept I agree with that not all relationship problems are 50/50. We need to work on blatant behavior first to provide space to address the less egregious behavior.

    Another way of looking at this is, we side with the wise adult part of you. The part that behaves appropriately, can be flexible, have empathy and be vulnerable. We support, encourage, and train that part of you.

    Do you recommend relationship counseling?

    If I were to say no to this question, it would be like a farmer that doesn’t like crops. Good analogy? Maybe…

    Of course I recommend it.

    A reason why I became a marriage counselor is because I’ve personally been to effective and ineffective marriage counseling. I wanted to create effective, insightful and results-producing counseling.

    At the very least, working with a trained professional creates intentional time for you two. Our lives our crazy, and on occasion the only time couples really talk and connect is in my office.

    Obviously, my role as an effective marriage counselor is to remind you two that you need to create your own structure to really talk and connect on your own. Especially once you are equipped with tools and are reminded how good it feels to be really connected.

    Do you recommend it for us?

    I think every relationship can benefit from counseling even if you two get along well and have a strong foundation. There is nothing more difficult than being with another person and we’re all annoying.

    I often share this when working with couples:

    At times, my wife thinks I’m annoying and I think she’s annoying.

    – Jason

    As a result, we need to have tools to communicate and understand what’s important to our partner (what makes them feel loved) and what can trigger our partner (what makes them feel bad).

    Reach out with any questions or comments!

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