I want to remind you to have difficult conversations. Don’t wait for resentments to bottle up, make sure that you get them out. A good way to do that is to first lead with relief before you bring up something serious, for example, something like, “babe, there’s something I want to talk to you about right now. Do you have time?” If they say yes, awesome, if they say no, simply ask, “okay, well when’s a good time?” This is for the listener, if your partner is bringing up something that bothers you, take a deep breath and really listen. They are bringing it up because they want to be with you, and they want to be in a happy relationship with you. Quick side note, if you do bring up something harshly, your partner is less likely to listen to it, so be sure to lead with relief, or at least give the option of saying no. Having difficult conversations in and of itself is intimacy. If you guys are able to bring up difficult topics and be okay, then you two are a rock star couple, congratulations.
When we do talk about resentments, when we bring them up when they happen, in a way we are not letting a whole bunch of steam build up. When we let that steam build up, then we generally explode through anger. It’s kind of like the analogy, say you have a bottle of soda, and it has been shaken, if you let it out, if you open enough all at once, it is going to go everywhere, if you open it up slowly, then you can slowly release the tension and you’re going to be okay, just like in a relationship, if you let things out slowly, you are less likely to have a big anger outburst.
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