• Common Questions: My Partner Does Not Want To Go To Couples Therapy

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    Common Questions: My Partner Does Not Want To Go To Couples Therapy

    Going to couples therapy may not be at the top of our fun list. This is true even if both partners are on board.

    It can be especially challenging if your partner is not on board.

    In this blog, we’ll examine common questions you may have if your partner does not want to go to couples therapy.

    Why can it be nerve-wracking to tell your partner you want to try couples therapy?

    It can be nerve-wracking to tell your partner you want to change the status quo, especially if they are fine with it.

    They may wonder where the request is coming from and get defensive.

    This may lead to some gaslighting by saying, “What? Nothing is wrong with our relationship. You’re just too needy…” Or something dismissive like that.

    Another reason it can be nerve-wracking is that you are not asking them to plan a vacation or do something we usually consider fun.

    In couples therapy, we may need to face uncomfortable things.

    When might be a good time to discuss this?

    It’s best to bring this up when calm and not in the middle of a heated fight.

    Also, if your partner is a morning person, discuss it then; if they’re an evening/night person, that’s the best time.

    What are some tips for telling your partner you want to see a couples counselor?

    • Speak from your side of the equation. For example, use “I” statements like, “I think we should go because of ____.” Don’t say, “We need to go because you’re the one who needs to change.”
    • Convey collaboration and that you want to stay in the relationship. For example, “I want us to be happy because I want this relationship. We need some professional help with our situation.”
    • Convey a want that would benefit both people. For example, “I want us to get through to each other and connect on a deeper level.”

    What can/should you do if your partner isn’t open to couples therapy? Are there other options to try?

    You can bring it up nonchalantly, like,

    “Every day we don’t go to couples therapy, I’m disappointed. What do you want to do this weekend?”

    This way, you say what you want while sidestepping a fight or power struggle.

    Would your partner be open to a weekend workshop with other couples? Or a relationship coach?

    Sometimes, I remind couples on the fence that couples therapy is cheaper than a divorce…

    And a good therapist is on your side.

    In other words, they want the best part of you to show up in the relationship. That part of you that is wise, calm, and caring. The parts of you that drew you two together in the beginning.

    If you have any questions or are contemplating starting, setting up a free, no-pressure consultation with a couples therapist is a great place to start.

    You can set one up with our team here or select the Schedule a Free Consult Now below!

    The Couples Therapy in Denver homepage.

    The Couples Therapy in Lakewood page.

    Couples Therapy in Castle Rock page.

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