Boundaries and Walls: What’s the Difference


Jason:

Hey, what’s up everyone? Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. Hang on one second… That’s actually green tea and not coffee, full disclosure. I want to do an outtake just so I can show you how awesome my socks are. And shout out to my little bro Steven for the Christmas socks. Beignets and coffee mugs.

Jason:

So anyway, today I want to talk about the difference between a boundary and a wall. And examples of walls are anger and shutdown.

Coffee shop Guy:

Hey, man. Why are you recording a video in a coffee shop? You’re an idiot.

Jason:

Ah. Well, you know what, pal? Why don’t you mind your own business?

Jason:

All right. Well, what do you think about that? That was weird. All right, so that right there, that was a wall. So now what I’m going to do, I’m going to set a boundary.

Coffee shop Guy:

Hey man, why are you recording a video in a coffee shop? You’re an idiot.

Jason:

You know what, man? I’m not a new business, so can you please stay out of mine?

Coffee shop Guy:

Fair enough.

Jason:

The good thing about the boundary is that when you respond with a wall, it leaves yourself open to a response of equal or lesser (should have said greater) energy. And the great thing about a boundary is that it can disarm the situation while you are still protected. So now it’s easier to set a boundary with some guy at the coffee shop, but can you do that in your romantic relationship? And I’m going to say, ‘Yes.’

But the thing is, you have to have the motivation to want to do it. You have to have the motivation to want to slow down.

Jason:

So let me give you an example of a boundary in your romantic relationship.

Jason:

“I want to see it from your perspective, but I can’t when you’re so angry.” Another would be, “I love you so much dear, but I’m not okay with you talking to me like that.”

Now the thing is, your partner may not respond well to you setting that boundary. They also may mock you, but I want you to let go of outcome, take a deep breath and realize you took care of your side.

Jason:

In the words of Terry Real, “Good day for you, bad day for your partner.” Thank you so much.

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