Interview with Shane Birkel

thumbnail with Shane

Jason: Thank you so much for joining me today. I’m Jason Polk with Coffee Shop Relationship Advice. And I don’t know if people know this, but Shane Birkel is kind of a big deal. He has a couples therapist podcast, which, Shane, I don’t know how many listeners do you have thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions? Shane: Well, total download sounds really impressive. The total downloads is getting close to 400,000, so. Jason: Oh, okay. Shane: That makes it sound really important. Yeah. Jason: Yeah. Well, no, obviously, and thanks for being on here because- Shane: Thank you so much,… Continue Reading This Article

Moving from Disconnection to Connection

youtube thumbnail

Jason: Oh, so it’s time. Hey, what’s up everyone? This is Jason Polk, giving you some Coffee Shop Relationship Advice. Unfortunately, we are still not at the coffee shop. But that’s okay. And today I want to talk about repair and moving back into connection. Jason: Say you and your partner are in a state of this connection, and all you can make up in your mind is how you are right, and how your partner is wrong. I get it. I’ve been there many times. How do we get back into connection? Well, we have to talk. And by… Continue Reading This Article

We Always Have a Choice (in relationships)

youtube thumbnail

Jason Polk: Hey, what’s up everyone? This is Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. Thank you. However, we are not filming in a coffee shop this morning. I’m actually in my office due to the quarantine. But today I want to talk to you about choice. We always have a choice, whatever comes up. The great Indian philosopher, Krishnamurti says that true freedom is freedom from our automatic responses. Jason Polk: Let me give you an example. You and your partner had planned a quarantine date. Due to the toilet paper shortage, you are out looking for… Continue Reading This Article

Have Difficult Conversations

youtube thumbnail

Hey, what’s up everyone? This is Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. However, not in the coffee shop, the coffee shops are currently closed, coming to you live from my office, and I’m going to give you some awesome advice, so take a deep breath so you can really take it in. That’s (beep) weird. I want to remind you to have difficult conversations. Don’t wait for resentments to bottle up, make sure that you get them out. A good way to do that is to first lead with relief before you bring up something serious, for… Continue Reading This Article

Collaborating in Times of Fear

fist bump

As the Coronavirus hits our country, so does fear. Fear can be helpful when it helps us navigate dangers and stay alive. However, fear can also create stress and make us less likely to be open, collaborative, and loving at home. I’ve seen memes implying that since people are now home, they will be having more sex, and in nine months there will be a generation born called “coronials.” I don’t know about you, but for me, worrying about a pandemic and a likely recession, while the kids are also home from school or daycare, doesn’t naturally rouse my ardor…. Continue Reading This Article

Relationship Goals: Prioritize Your Relationship

relationship goals

Jason Polk: Hey, what’s up everyone? Jason Polk here again, giving you some coffee shop relationship advice, and full disclosure, that’s actually a kombucha, because I don’t know if you know this, but for us therapist type people, kombucha actually helps us talk about feelings. So I also want to give shout out to Shannon, thanks for the dad mug, and if you want your name dropped on this channel, add a comment, and you’ll get your name dropped right here and you will get a little bit of fame. Speaker 2: Nice. Jason Polk: So I want to talk… Continue Reading This Article

Date Nights are Self Care

date night

My wife and I recently had a date-planning service arrange a restaurant and a hotel in our home city. Without any great interruption in our schedules (we didn’t want to drive far, and we both had to work the next day), we were pulled out of monotony and into a shared experience of connection and novelty. It was a date to remember.¹ Our brains are drawn to and shaped by such experiences. First we shared the excitement of picking a new restaurant we could walk to, and then staying in a hotel we had never been in before. We had… Continue Reading This Article

Boundaries and Walls: What’s the Difference

Jason: Hey, what’s up everyone? Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. Hang on one second… That’s actually green tea and not coffee, full disclosure. I want to do an outtake just so I can show you how awesome my socks are. And shout out to my little bro Steven for the Christmas socks. Beignets and coffee mugs. Jason: So anyway, today I want to talk about the difference between a boundary and a wall. And examples of walls are anger and shutdown. Coffee shop Guy: Hey, man. Why are you recording a video in a coffee shop?… Continue Reading This Article

Family Holidays with Your Partner

All right. What’s up, everyone? This is Jason Polk giving you some coffee shop relationship advice. Hold on one sec… I am going to talk about holiday situations but you may be watching this after the holidays and that’s okay. All of this still applies so check it out. Holidays can be stressful. We all know that. We may have a drunk uncle, we may have parents giving us unsolicited parenting advice. So I want to share with you ways that you can manage that in your relationship. So first of all, I want to throw out this principle, is… Continue Reading This Article

Three Ways to Mitigate Anger in Relationships

angry couple

When we are upset, our anger protects our hurt, our vulnerable feelings, and can lend us a momentary sensation of strength. This sensation can be intoxicating; when hurt, the impulse to reach for anger can be as strong as an alcoholic’s impulse to reach for a drink. And unfortunately, like alcohol, anger doesn’t provide lasting relief or solutions. In fact, when we indulge in anger, it creates problems that we’ll have to clean up once we come to our senses. Thus, it’s in our best interest not to reach for the “bottle” of anger, but to find ways to calm… Continue Reading This Article